Many things have occurred to me over the past few weeks...
Because of being out of work, and being- almost in debt, I have immersed myself in music. Mainly listening, but also writing. Not sure what it is about music, but feels very safe; there is no demand or argument: it gives and takes away in equal measures. 2012 was a pretty slow year for music, and with 2013 promising releases from The National, Queens of the Stone Age, and Radiohead, amongst others; it is a very good year for music.
As a writer and singer, new music is important, as it gives ideas, inspiration, and a benchmark to aim for, when writing. I have found myself completing an entire triple album's worth of material. As a singer, I must have some sort of brain defect. I can listen to a voice, a song, whatever. I can hear it and replicvate the vocals; in some cases, perfectly after one listen. It is hugely exciting as a singer, seeing just how huge you can make your voice; but also quite frustrating.
Even to record a simple track, it will take money. I know what I can do; what I can achieve, but also how far away it is at the same time. I am 30 in May and desperate to record and showcase exactly what I am capable of. Realising that my 'dream' may be a long way away, is one of the worse realisations I have had.
For the meantime I will continue to write. It keeps me focused, and is somewhere my brain needs to go, to escape things. When the time does come that I can record; I just hope that my heart is still in it...