Making Changes: Not Just For New Year
I have been neglecting music reviewing some-what; for a number of different reasons: the energy and commitment (it demands) is one of the most pressing. Working irregular and demanding hours, I am finding it (reviewing) a strain and tiring prospect- it is why I have put it firmly on the back burner. In a way it is a shame, as music reviewing has been a part of my life for several years- it is the reason this blog exists.
This last week has been a rather trying and bizzare one- a silver lining has developed. I find myself putting (myself first) and sacrificing my own happiness- too concerned with what other people are feeling. Very recently, a rather upsetting and heartbreaking event has occurred- something that has caused me sleeplessness and upset. Having hurt a valuable friend and caused some upset (for them), I have decided to change my ways. I am too keen to get involved with people; ask if they are okay- pay compliments. Not dragging the details into the light, an harmless and good-natured gesture (on my part) has back-fired- and will continue to do so. In the wake of it, I have probably lost a valuable and close friend- possibly forever. Not just that, but have hurt them hugely- this angers me enormously.
In addition to having upset and hurt a wonderful person, I am fearful that I will never hear (from them again)- it has caused me to reassess me way of thinking; the way I prioritise myself. I am always too keen to be seen as ‘the good guy’; the person that goes out of their way- do something kind or thoughtful. When it backfires- and innocent people get hurt- it gets to me (more than they will ever know); and I am tired of being a burden- things need to change.
Being close to my 300th (blog post), I am keen to get back on track: reorganise my mind and start putting dreams first. For too many years I have neglected recording; put a relationship in the shadows- made sure most of my money went to other people. It is not the case I am going to completely change- become a harsh and selfish human. The fact is, I am getting too upset and affected (when things go bad). Thoughtfulness and consideration will always be high on the agenda- I just need to limit my ‘kindness’; stay out of other people’s lives. Be like everyone else, essentially.
New Year is the time for resolutions; it is stupid to dedicate an arbitrary (time of the year) to resolutions you will not keep. When things go bad; when life starts to crumble- THAT is action needs to be taken; things need to change….
I have decided to make sure I record some music- before this time next year- and find a relationship- think about personal fulfillment and happiness. It is important to keep friends; be faithful to your better nature- it is even more important to not lose focus of your own well-being. When it comes to recent events, I doubt they will resolve themselves- I think too much damage has been done (and that cause me more pain than anything else). Baffled, angry and deeply upset, I have to make changes and start putting myself first- take myself out of other people’s lives. In addition to recording music, I hope to write a comedy (pilot); find love; move closer to London- as well as dozens of others things.
Not so much a Bucket List: it is a list of things I (should have done years ago) and have neglected- at the top of the list is ‘Be Happy’- how many of us aim for that (and fail)? I should be back to reviewing music- in limited capacity- next year; making plans to get a band together- becoming a different person. Too many of us make bad decisions and make mistakes- and do nothing about it. Having chatted with a treasured and loyal friend, she has opened my eyes- urged me to start thinking about me; putting myself first. She is right, and I am glad she (said it)- it is something we all need to do.
I am not suggesting we all need to abandon our finer nature, but you definitely need to balance priorities- stop being so involved with (making other people happy); getting involved in other people’s lives- and making things (for yourself) worse. As horrible as I feel- for having made someone I care about hate me- it has made me realise what I need to do: make myself happier. Only then will I be able to live a better and more fulfilled life. I have charity ambitions; music plans and things to sort out- distraction from recent embarrassments. If you are in a similar position (and feel too burdened) it is okay to let things go- and think about yourself. When it is all said and done…
THAT’s not a bad thing at all.