FEATURE:
Verse 1, Line 2
IN THIS PHOTO: Erin Pellnat/PHOTO CREDIT: Alex Joseph
How Easy Is It to Be Free and Loaded When Chasing a Musical Dream?
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THE ‘Verse 1, Line 2’ part of this feature…
ALL PHOTOS: Unsplash
refers to the first couple of lines from Primal Scream’s hit, Loaded. Their ‘loaded’ is slightly different to the one I have in mind: more about getting wasted, I guess, than a financial advantage. My point and argument hold firm: we all, in a way, want to be free and do our own thing. Thinking about that Screamadelica masterpiece; it got me thinking about careers and how we often get trapped in the same routine and traps. Hot weather can do strange things to the mind: we can rationalise big leaps and find clarity when the thoughts are clogged and depressed. I have quit my job of two years and embarked on this decision to pursue music journalism as a career – if not full-time then, right now, on a semi-full-time basis. It is daring, I guess, making that decision but is there a perfect time or scenario where putting your all into music is right?! I have come to the point where I know where I want to live (Manchester) and feel confident my work merits financial remuneration and affectation. I am prolific and actually produce more than most other journalists around (comparatively) - and feel my time is being punished by working a full-time job I dislike and cramming unpaid music work into the remaining hours I have left. Trying to redress that imbalance instantly might be like eating a banquet after going on hunger strike for days: it feels right and good but one needs to be wary of the logistics and obvious ramifications.
Maybe that is a bad example, but you know what I mean – one gets to a point where a passion needs to be followed to its eager curiosity. Next week is a rather important and busy one: I am negotiating the heat and staying in (largely) planning a move to Manchester – a three-day trip next month to have a look around – and getting myself out there. I will be finishing up the bulk of my unpaid requests and transferring people to a paid site – I shall reveal more about that in time. I am aware the payoff and profit will not be huge and instant. There will be time to bed-in and it is going to be a little tough on the financial front. A part-time job will fill the gaps, for now, and when I embark on a move – around August-time, I suppose – I hope to be in a position to combine a part-time and productive writing side with some part-time work…retail or something of that sort. That allows me to combine journalism and work and find a good balance of sociability and quiet; paying the rent and making a go of things. When it all gets busier and bigger that will, before long, allow me to focus fully on journalism and make a bigger stab of it.
Recently; I posted my plan on social media and it was met with encouragement and approval (thanks to all that responded) and I was heartened to know this leap was not foolhardy or uneducated. I have heard some horror stories from musicians recently that make me wonder whether more caution and consideration needs to be applied regards dispending with the mundane and boring. Some artists have seen their music screwed around and scrupulous promoters do them wrong. One contact was lied to by a promoter and lied to when it came to a deposit she was promised. Another has had a bad experience at a gig and met with an unruly and undisciplined crew and technical faults. I know setbacks happen and some artists will witness troubles – does that mean careers other than music need to be considered?! Of course not, but there is an argument to suggest there are obvious risks heading into an industry where financial security is not a guarantee. I cannot well turn my heels and retreat back into the nine-to-five slog after the first obstacle. I know paid work will trickle in and it may take a while to benefit truly. I am pragmatic enough to plan for some short-term struggle and know a fortitude and positivity is the only way to transition any quibbles.
There are many sitting on the fence and unhappy with their current lot. Music is, unfortunately, a precarious business where you can get paid gig and revenue but it is not a loyal and consistent stream: there will be fallow weeks and other times when the work comes rolling in. The profitability and situation for a journalist might be darker, still: only the bigger professionals rake in a proper salary; most of the rank-and-file scribblers are all battling in a rather busy and packed pond! I think one needs to do their homework whatever side of music they are considering leaping into. If you are a musician or D.J. then you have plenty of people to talk to and examples of similar-minded folk embarking on the same route. Journalists are able to investigate and see whether paid work is a reality that lasts beyond a few weeks/months. I have been doing this for over seven years and know the time it will take to earn a proper and secure wage is a little way off yet. The reason I dispensed with the office shackles – among others – is the time wasted in employment that did not fulfil me. Many of us have to do this and that is the way bills are paid and the way we get by. If you have talent, then, should we not try everything to foster that and make it viable?! That is the rationalisation that led me to post notice and embark on a journalistic step.
I have been spurred by others who have cast off their ties and office colleagues for something that is more nourishing and pleasurable – if lower paid and a little less structured. I have noticed a joylessness and sense of anxiety creep into the hearts of many people I know. They are frustrated having to balance working and making music: an impossible juggling act that, more often than not, is leading to undue stress and upset. Everyone needs to be sure of their decision when they decide to make music their lifelong partner – rather than the rather fun flirtation and casualness they had before. You will hear a lot of people suck through their teeth and give you the same sort of patter a builder would when doing an estimate for a renovation or extension on your house. It is all very costly and risky and, you know; do you really need to do it?! In fact; a builder would be less inclined to talk himself out of business – another bad analogy that I will drop. Too many people are hesitating when it comes to moving into music full-time. The downsides of failure are large and could lead to financial struggle: taking the risk is, surely, something you NEED to do?! I got to the point where I was so unhappy with my daily life and being a bit of a prick. Making a decision to move to a different area – somewhere I can feel more ‘me’ and alive – and the possibility of paid musical work has provided new direction and purpose.
Maybe it will be a little touch-and-go at first but, turning thirty-five (on Wednesday) has provided me with a sobering question: am I truly content and excited about life?! The answer was an easy and resounding ‘no’: I feel I am more frustrated and upset than I am optimistic and settled. The all-too-brief moments of music writing I got to do after my daily shift gave me a sense of relief, release and calm. Extending that, naturally, seems to be a good answer to alleviate the sense of unhappiness I have felt. I would urge others who are in a similar boat to taste and test the water before they leap in. Rather than think about what could have been and focus too much on the financial pits – there is always a back-up and option if you need to earn money – consider how meaningful your choice is and what music (or any other profession) means to you. It is all well and good me putting myself in other people’s shoes and confidently walking around without considering their situation and realities. Not everyone will be able to fulfil their dreams instantly: the fact you have made that decision and given yourself that goal recalibrates the mind and will, surely, take a lot of burden from the shoulders. Returning to the Loaded-quoting title of this piece and the question Primal Scream posed back in 1991: even though it documented excess, love and liberation; a line stands out that seems to bed rationalise and explain why people like me ditch the perils of a boring job and aim for the sky: “We wanna be free…
TO do what we wanna do”.