FEATURE:
Hardly Dime a Dozen…
The Dreams and Realities of Getting a Music Comedy Feature to the Big Screen
__________
I have written a couple of features…
about a comedy feature that I am working on. Rather than blowing my own trumpet or being self-indulgent, I have been startled by the realities of trying to get a screenplay to the screen. I have no previous comedy writing experience. As a music journalist, I can write well, but the discipline of screenwriting is very different. Regardless, I have had this idea and been obsessed with it since coming up with it a few months back. The title, Dozen a Dime, has a specific relation to the central plotline. It is set in 1986 in Haight-Ashbury, San Francisco. We look inside the lives of five teens and five adults: the former group is struggling at high school, trying to dodge bullies, whilst also planning a future they are not sure about. The latter threads relate to a group of friends who moved from New York as they struggled financially under the presidency of Ronald Regan (and an L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.+ female couple also felt opressed and discriminated against). They are disillusioned in California. Feeling stifled in their jobs, they devise a scheme that provides financial relief, excitement, and a sense of rebelling against the government. The teens are huge music lovers, and they cemented their friendships when they met at Live Aid in London in 1985 (they were kicked out for heckling Freddie Mercury before Queen’s set). They are trying to find a way to escape the struggles of school and pursue their passion for music.
A spark is lit when they see a T.V. advert for a new music-buying subscription. The company, International Sounds, offers fans twelve albums on cassette for a dime. There is a quick disclaimer at the end of the advert but, intrigued by the seemingly too good to be true offer, they order a dozen albums (a mix of the best from 1985 and 1986). They soon realise that they can order batches of a dozen albums by applying under different identities and sending them to different addresses (so they do not get rumbled). As a way of placating their bullies – who are extorting the teens for money -, they sell albums to their peers for $1 a dozen. The other students want to take advantage of the T.V. deal themselves, but they are too fearful and have parents who do not approve. Seemingly fool-proof, things start to deteriorate when International Sounds discover their scheme and deploy their collection agency, Madonna, and Prince to track down the teens. Through the story arc, Dozen a Dime looks at the romance between two of the female teens, depression and AIDS, economic struggle, bullying, redemption, and bonding. It is a comment that also looks at difficult topics. At the end, the teens find themselves in a chase and showdown with International Sounds – though they manage to get away and, at the very end, set off into the sunset out of San Francisco for the summer.
IN THIS PHOTO: Gillian Anderson
I have cheekily posted a tweet to this article tagging Gillian Anderson. She will not read this I am very sure, but I have thought about the cast. In the central adult roles, I have in mind Rachel Brosnahan, Keke Palmer and Elizabeth Olsen (there are two male roles I am not sure who will go to). Anderson, in my mind, would be perfect playing the owner of the local record shop the teens visit, Groove Is in the Heart. They are banned from it for trying to steal albums, and Anderson would make a formidable and remarkable fit for the role. She is a brilliant comic actor, but her range (of accents, moods and emotional range) is also phenomenal. I have been watching some of her film and T.V. appearances and writing specifically around her. Within Dozen a Dime, there would be an amazing soundtrack – Prince, Madonna, Peter Gabriel, The Bangles, Run-D.M.C., Dire Straits, and Janet Jackson included -, a title sequence that I think will rank alongside the all-time best, tremendous (I hope) comedy moments, a nightmare sequence based on the Michael Jackson Thriller video, a sequence that replicates some of the video for Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer, some incredible set pieces and a twist ending nobody will see coming! I am very proud of the idea and have been working on it for months.
Whilst the budget might be a bit large for a comedy feature – as there would be a fair bit of CGI needed to replicate Haight-Ashbury in the 1980s -, I do think that it has potential. Not only will Dozen a Dime have repeatability and nuance; the soundtrack and its marketing would be brilliant. As the characters in the film would listen to albums on a Walkman, I had an idea of partnering with a company like Sony to remake the Walkman and updating it for this decade (based on a 1986 design, it would have digital elements). I can write some of the script myself, but I am looking for someone else to write it with me. I am keen for a female director to helm the project. I have contacted both Margot Robbie and Rachel Bosnahan, as they run production companies that look to highlight and foster the work of female creatives. I think Dozen a Dime could be a classic modern comedy. It is a mix of the bratpack and coming-of-age films of the 1980s (some of which Dozen a Dime references) and something more complex and cerebral (think Christopher Nolan and films like Memento and Inception). I have only skimmed the surface. There is so much more to the idea in terms of the plot, themes, standout moments and layers. It will be an adult comedy - as thwere are sex scenes, swearing and drug references -, but I hoping it could be a 15 certificate as not to alienate a target audience. I know that, by making this idea visible with its title, someone else can take it on board and make it themselves! With a fantastic cast and the right crew, I do believe that a comedy feature like this could be a success! The realities of getting something like this made, let alone making it onto the screen and turning it into a box office success, are very different.
I am struggling to even get anyone to read the treatment, let alone a script! I have contacted various actors and figures; I have contacted production companies and got nothing back. How do you get something like Dozen a Dime made if you do not already have a foot in the door?! As this would be set in America, it is extra hard for a London-based peep like me to get the idea seen. Getting the film idea to a studio in America seems like an impossibility! Streaming services like Netflix are struggling now, so the option of getting it made for them seems riskier and less likely than make a film for cinemas. I would love, in a couple or few years, to get the script green-lit, have a cast and crew attached, and film it in California. I know countless other people have the same ambitions, but I feel this idea is particularly promising. Comedies don’t always do too well, and they can be divisive and less likely to profit. I feel there is a broadness and relatability to Dozen a Dime that would make it successful. Little revelations like bonding with Gillian Anderson’s body of work adds something to the mix. How do you get actors involved before a production company picks up an idea? I have written to a few already but, again, you hear nothing back. I am not going to let the idea go, as I think the concepts, jokes, characters, and references/parodies would prove popular with a wide age range. You do not have to be around in the 1980s to relate to the film and the soundtrack/politics in the U.S. The realities of turning a passion project into something tangible is getting me down. Even getting someone to develop it or provide feedback is such a challenge. The more I write, the more I love Dozen a Dime. I would like more than anything to get it made one day. I just hope that this dream is…
NOT out of reach.