FEATURE:
Another Year with The Trouble Club…
IN THIS PHOTO: Emma-Louise Boynton will speak for The Trouble Club at AllBright on 15th February
Why It Is More Important Now Than Ever Being a Member
_________
I will come to some housekeeping…
IN THIS PHOTO: Crystal Hefner will appear alongside Pandora Sykes at Soho’s Century Club on 9th February/PHOTO CREDIT: Amy Harrity for The New York Times
in a minute about The Trouble Club. I will start by saying that, this year, it is my first full year with The Trouble Club. I joined and, after the first event I attended, I was compelled to go to as many as possible! This year is one where I will be as engaged as possible. I shall explain why. The last feature I wrote on The Trouble Club was back at the start of December. I am going to bring things up to date and then look forward to events announced for this year so far that have not already happened. I would advise people to check out The Trouble Club. Director Eleanor Newton is someone who I have a tonne of respect for. Someone responsible for bringing all the great events together, she also speaks to/interviews most of the guests who appear at Trouble Club events. Always incredible welcoming of new members and everyone who attends events, she has so much love and passion for what she does. Alongside Francesca Edmondson, Marketing and Events Coordinator at The Trouble Club, you have this very close and powerful pair who ensure that some incredibly diverse and fascinating women are brought to a range of venues across London. That is something I will nod to. I know that The Trouble Club is expending to Manchester. I am not sure when the first event will be. As it has been purely London-based until now, it is going to branch out and host some events from there. That will give access to those who are based further north who are unable to travel down to London. The expansion of this incredible and growing empire. You can follow The Trouble Club on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok. There is also the YouTube channel, and a podcast.
I shall move on now. On a personal level, the past couple of months have been very rough. Being made redundant from my job, I am not looking around. The Trouble Club has been very important, in the sense of having this safe space to go to. Something to give me some positivity. In the future, I do hope to join an organisation like The Trouble Club. As a music journalist, I have a huge interest in women’s rights and gender equality. It would be perfect to bring that to a job. Something to aim for. It is the social aspect of being at Trouble Club events that is also so vital. Being able to connect with some incredible members. At some gorgeous venues across the capital, it has been so memorable and a thrill experiencing an array of events since I joined. In the final month of last year, there was a run of incredible events that stood alongside the all-time best. I saw Arit Anderson at The Hearth on 6th December. She was discussing her career in gardening and the book, The Essential Tree Selection Guide: For Climate Resilience, Carbon Storage, Species Diversity and Other Ecosystem Benefits. A beautiful and hefty tome that is a pleasure to read, it was amazing hearing Anderson discuss her journey into gardening, the environment, and the importance of planting trees. Fixing France with Nabila Ramdani happened on 11th December at the sublime and historic The House of St Barnabas. It is especially sad that they have announced they are in the process of winding up and closing. Such an important and wonderful space in Soho, it is going to be a real loss! It was wonderful being there last month and hearing Nabila Ramdani speak about Fixing France: How to Repair a Broken Republic. It was such a compelling and moving event: “Nabila Ramdani is not from the establishment elite: she is a marginalised insider, born and raised in a neglected Paris suburb. With unflinching clarity, she probes the fault lines of her struggling country, exposing the Fifth Republic as an archaic system which emerged from Algeria’s cataclysmic War of Independence”.
@thetroubleclub Trouble’s final event of 2023!!
♬ Keeping Your Head Up - Birdy
I attended three other events before the end of 2023. One of the most inspiring events I attended last year was Trouble In Business: Leaders in Tech. The three panellists: Georgia Stewart - CEO and co-founder of Tumelo, Deirdre O’Neill - Co-Founder and Chief Commercial & Legal Officer at Hertility Health, and Juanita Morgan - Co-Founder and CEO of Value Adders World – discussed what drove them to start their own businesses. Speaking at Dartmouth House, it was hugely eye-opening and inspiring hearing these three amazing women speak about their experiences. Before moving on, here is an interview from last year where Georgia Stewart spoke about her mission with Tumelo:
“Tumelo is an award winning, UK based fintech that empowers pension members and investors to speak up on issues that are important to them. The software enables people to see the companies they have invested in and allows them to say how they would like the company to tackle the issues they care about.
We interviewed Georgia Stewart, co-founder and CEO of Tumelo, to find out more about their ambition, the importance of transparency in financial services, and her views on the challenges facing women in financial services.
What is the long-term plan for Tumelo?
Our vision is that by 2030, every investor will be empowered to use their shareholder rights. 275 million investors hold £54 trillion in workplace pensions and investment products across the UK and the US. Most of their money is invested in funds. As a result, fund managers control majority stakes in the world’s most influential companies. These companies feel untouchable and yet we own them. Our shareholder ownership system is broken. So, our mission at Tumelo is to enable platforms to empower investors, and to enable companies to listen to them.
Are you more focused on B2C, B2B or both?
Both. We’re a B2B2C organisation, and we partner with platforms so that they can distribute our solution to their customers. We are committed to and focused on our partners, with whom we have the commercial relationship, and our end-users who engage and interact directly with our product.
What makes Tumelo’s approach unique? How do you compete against fintechs with similar offerings?
Tumelo’s proposition is unique in the sense that no organisation in the world (that we’re aware of) is engaging end investors and fund investors with shareholder resolutions. We have no direct competitors; however, there are of course other organisations working in similar industries and which share our stakeholders. Ultimately our USP is that we are democratising the investment system, and our partners will be pioneers in this space, giving end investors a voice. In short, we continuously innovate to make sure that we stand out and focus on what makes our solution like no other.
Has transparency become a bigger issue in financial services?
Absolutely. Last year at COP26 The World Economic Forum stated, “To secure all the benefits that ESG policies bring to the economy, environment and society, we need greater transparency and enhanced disclosures”. As “ESG” becomes increasingly popular, investors have started to look into how ethical or sustainable their investments are. It’s no longer sufficient to brand an investment fund as an ‘ESG’ or ‘Green’, and it is now expected that funds’ investments are disclosed, so that investors can feel confident about where their money is ending up.
How have attitudes to investment changed over the last five years? How do you expect them to evolve in the next five?
Investors are now increasingly conscious of ESG, and want to know what their money is doing, where it’s going, and how it can better serve the planet. People are generally investing more, investing earlier in life and engaging more with their investments. Investing is no longer just for men in suits; we see more teenagers and more women are investing actively as well, with investor communities diversifying across all groups of people. The spike of interest in ESG has also encouraged investors to become more aware of the proxy votes/shareholder resolutions being addressed at the companies they’re investing in. In 2021, major votes at Exxon Mobil and Chevron saw investors driving change in the boards of both polluting companies, exciting investors everywhere. In the next five years, we predict more of this, and it will be imperative for all investment platforms to disclose the underlying holdings of their funds. Investors will be better qualified to verify how ethical these investments are, and increasingly base their choices on ESG factors. In the next five years, the number of investors and shareholders taking part in proxy votes will double worldwide and we will generally see a lot more involvement and awareness in the industry as a whole”.
On 14th December, Networking Drinks Evening: Power Hour with Adrienne Adhami provided a pre-Christmas treat. A chance to enjoy some drinks, network and hear Adrienne Adhami speak about Power Hour: How to Focus on Your Goals and Create a Life You Love was amazing. That was held at DIAGEO. Her Power Hour podcast is one I would really recommend. In December, she gave an interview to The Grove:
“HI ADRIENNE, CAN YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT THE POWER HOUR?
Put simply, the Power Hour is all about reclaiming your time. It’s about starting each day with one hour dedicated to yourself. The modern world demands so much of our time and energy. As a result many of us are ‘too busy’ and we feel as though there is never enough time.
I encourage people to start the day by doing something intentional, that could be going for a walk, reading a book, meditation, swimming, writing in a journal etcetera, before the rest of the world wakes up and starts competing for your attention. Not sure where to start? Ask yourself: what is one thing you’d like to do more of if you had more spare time? You’ll be amazed at how much impact this seemingly small act can have. Sure, a single hour is not much, but over time it can become a powerful daily habit that transforms your entire life.
WHAT DOES SELF-CARE LOOK LIKE TO YOU? HOW DO YOU TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF?
For me, self-care is not about candles and face masks. It’s about learning to prioritise yourself and your needs. The truth is, this is not always an easy thing to do. I understand the challenges of juggling work, raising a family, travelling, and pursuing personal goals too. Self-care means that as well as considering what’s best for everyone else in your life, you stop to consider what’s best for you too. Your work, kids, friends – they all matter, and so do you.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO SOMEONE STRUGGLING TO FIND A SENSE OF PURPOSE AND FULFILMENT IN THEIR LIFE?
I’d say take a break and create some space in your life. Spend some time reflecting on all of the things you’ve done throughout your life – the hobbies, interests, sports etcetera. Which people and places bring you joy? How often do you see those people? How often do you visit those places? The things in your life that spark an emotional response, they are signals worth paying attention to.
CAN YOU SHARE YOUR TOP TIPS ON HOW TO START THE NEW YEAR OFF THE BEST WAY?
At the start of a New Year typically people focus on adding new things to their lives. They vow to start cycling again, start reading more, to take on a new project or hobby. While there’s nothing wrong with any of that, I would encourage you to also consider what you’d like to give up and relinquish. Yes, that’s right. It might not sound very motivational at first, but allow me to explain. The start of a New Year is a great time to do a life audit, to consider which things you’d like to reduce or even remove altogether. Sometimes less is more. For example, maybe you’ve got a shelf full of unread books. Instead of adding more books to that shelf this year, maybe consider donating some of those books instead.
Which other areas of your life could you declutter? How about your schedule? How can you create space for something new? If your goal is to improve your health and increase your energy, the same approach can be helpful. Identify which things typically have a negative impact on your health and wellbeing and where possible try to reduce them as much as possible. For example – less stress, less late nights, less ultra-processed food, less caffeine.
Remember that ‘improvement’ isn’t always about adding more, it can also be about simplification and creating space for what matters most”.
With the weather being so changeable and wintery, it was a great relief and sense of comfort looking ahead to Trouble's Big Night Out: Featuring Caroline Criado Perez & Kelechi Okafor. That took place at Conway Hall. Criado Perez is - among other books -, the author of Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men:
“Invisible Women shows us how, in a world largely built for and by men, we are systematically ignoring half the population. It exposes the gender data gap - a gap in our knowledge that is at the root of perpetual, systemic discrimination against women, and that has created a pervasive but invisible bias with a profound effect on women's lives.
Award-winning campaigner and writer Caroline Criado-Perez brings together for the first time an impressive range of case studies, stories and new research from across the world that illustrate the hidden ways in which women are forgotten, and the impact this has on their health and well-being”.
You can learn more about the book here. Also at the event was the amazing comic, Bronwyn Sweeney. She was hilarious and this was my first time seeing her perform live. Such an incredible talent! Alongside these two phenomenal women, Kelechi Okafor also spoke. She was absolutely astonishing! Edge of Here: Stories from Near to Now is a book I would recommend people buy:
“Enter a world very close to our own...
One in which technology can allow you to explore an alternate love-life with a stranger.
A world where you can experience the emotions of another person through a chip implanted in your brain.
And one where you can view snippets of a distant relative's life with a little help from your DNA.
But remember: these experiences will not be without consequences . . .
In this stunning debut collection, Kelechi Okafor combines the ancient and the ultramodern to explore tales of contemporary Black womanhood, asking questions about the way we live now and offering a glimpse into our near future. Uplifting, thought-provoking, sometimes chilling, these are tales rooted in the recognisable, but not limited by the boundaries of our current reality-where truth can meet imagination and spirituality in unexpected ways.
Allow yourself to be taken on a journey into worlds that are blazing with possibility, through stories that will lead you right up to the Edge of Here . .”.
Interviews like this give you an insight into the amazing Kelechi Okafor. Caroline Criado Perez is someone I knew about, yet I was at the event to hear more. Seeking out interviews such as this gave me insight and background before going in. All in all, it was a wonderful event to end the year with The Trouble Club! I was so thankful to be at Conway Hall and experience something like that. I think it might be one of their most-attended events so far. It definitely is one where everyone in that space was engrossed from start to finish. For those who were considering becoming a Trouble Club member in 2024, I hope that attending any of these events – or reading about them – were influential in that respect.
@thetroubleclub We’d love to have you! #thetroubleclub #membersclublondon #womenownedbusiness #spaceforwomen ♬ Keeping Your Head Up - Birdy
The final section – apart from me rounding up – is events announced that take place after this date (22nd January). There have already been a few events. I have been to two of the three. Coming into this new year, Let's discuss......the Pope! With Jessica Wärnberg was a great ‘debut’. Back at the glorious The Hearth, Dr. Wärnberg was speaking about her book, City of Echoes. You can buy the book here:
“From a bold new historian comes a vibrant history of Rome as seen through its most influential persona throughout the centuries: the pope.
Rome is a city of echoes, where the voice of the people has chimed and clashed with the words of princes, emperors, and insurgents across the centuries. In this authoritative new history, Jessica Wärnberg tells the story of Rome’s longest standing figurehead and interlocutor—the pope—revealing how his presence over the centuries has transformed the fate of the city of Rome.
Emerging as the anonymous leader of a marginal cult in the humblest quarters of the city, the pope began as the pastor of a maligned and largely foreign flock. Less than 300 years later, he sat enthroned in a lofty, heavily gilt basilica, a religious leader endorsed (and financed) by the emperor himself. Eventually, the Roman pontiff would supplant even the emperors as de facto ruler of Rome and pre-eminent leader of the Christian world. By the nineteenth century, it would take an army to wrest the city from the pontiff’s grip.
As the first-ever account of how the popes’ presence has shaped the history of Rome, City of Echoes not only illuminates the lives of the remarkable (and unremarkable) men who have sat on the throne of Saint Peter, but also reveals the bold and curious actions of the men, women, and children who have shaped the city with them, from antiquity to today. In doing so, the book tells the history of Rome as it has never been told before.
During the course of this fascinating story, City of Echoes also answers a compelling question: how did a man—and institution—whose authority rested on the blood and bones of martyrs defeat emperors, revolutionaries, and fascists to give Rome its most enduring identity?”,
There is also a great and really interesting podcast episode about the book. A subject and area that I had not delved into before – as an atheist -, I was not only really keen to learn more how The Popes’ influence has shaped Rome. Also, being in fantastic company at The Hearth, combined, made it another wonderful event!
IN THIS PHOTO: Christine Coulson
On Thursday (18th January), I was at The Power of Constraint with Novelist Christine Coulson. The first time I had been to The Groucho Club, it was a suitably renowned and epic venue in which to host Christine Coulson! Coulson was discussing the engrossing and hugely original novel, One Woman Show. The Trouble Club’s description (“Can 75 words really capture a moment in time, its details and atmosphere, its character and mood? Christine Coulson’s new, bullet of a novel, One Woman Show, is written almost entirely in 75-word museum wall labels and demonstrates how constraint need not limit storytelling”) has me hooked! Go and order the book and immerse yourself fully:
“Prized, collected, critiqued. One Woman Show revolves around the life of Kitty Whitaker as she is defined by her potential for display and moved from collection to collection through multiple marriages. Christine Coulson, who has written hundreds of exhibition wall labels for the Metropolitan Museum of Art, precisely distils each stage of Kitty's sprawling life into that distinct format, every brief snapshot in time a wry reflection on womanhood, ownership, value and power.
Described with wit, poignancy and humour over the course of the twentieth century, Kitty emerges as an eccentric heroine who disrupts her privileged, porcelain life with both major force and minor transgressions. As human foibles propel each delicately crafted text, Coulson playfully asks: who really gets to tell our stories?”.
This interview from Apollo gives us some revelation and insight from its author. I am now going to seek out the book as, hearing Christine Coulson speak was a really moving experience. That word may seem a little overwrought or misplaced – though it really isn’t at all! It was a captivating eventing being in her presence:
“Can you begin by describing the very distinctive form of the novel?
It’s written almost entirely in museum wall labels, using the Met’s structure for those labels. Almost all museums have what we call the tombstone information – artist, date, medium – and at the Met I always had 75 words for every object. I used that same constraint in this to craft, essentially, a retrospective exhibition of a life, of a distinctly 20th-century, wealthy, not particularly likeable woman, who is treated not unlike a work of art from her earliest age. She is evaluated, critiqued, prized and collected throughout her whole life.
One of the most striking elements is that you’ve found words that are used a lot by people who think about museums, or about art or art history, but that are not part of normal discourse. For example, you use the word ‘deaccessioned’ of Kitty divorcing her second husband. Or there’s a friend who looks down on Kitty for being of ‘lesser provenance’. Did you begin with the arc of the life and then go looking for the words, or did you begin with the words and construct the life?
I first had the idea when I was writing the labels for the new British galleries at the Met. I had this spark of ‘That’s what I want to do, I want to write labels about people, I want to treat human beings like exquisite works of art.’ In my first experiment doing that I just described an old woman standing in the galleries and wrote the first label, which was about this patrician, Park Avenue matron. I had no particular investment in her as a character, it was just a test for myself. I called her Kitty and there she was on the page. Then I challenged myself to write 20 labels about her to see if this form had legs. As I had ideas about what could, would, should happen to Kitty – which was never very linear – the book spread like an ink blot.
The first label that I wrote is almost at the very end of the book – at that point she’s 91 years old – which is a very speech-writery thing to do. I was a speech-writer at the Met for eight years and you very often are writing to an ending. There were times in which words, like the definition of ‘garniture’ at the very beginning of the book, seemed so well-suited for a woman who I was referring to in terms of porcelain and her social group. Then other times I found myself looking back at old Met guidebooks. I would almost go shopping for words. I would find some great entry for a medieval chalice that would drive my thinking about how a label could work. So it worked both ways: the language supported the idea, but the idea was really fuelled by the language.
The form’s very easy to understand once you start reading, but I was surprised by how elastic it is. I wonder if you were surprised, too?
That was the challenge as a writer – as much as I know this voice, I know this form, I know how to do it. But at the same time, I was writing a novel – I need character development, I need plot, I need emotional investment. [The challenge was] to take this notoriously boring form and stretch it to its capacity: can I write a funny label, can I write an emotional label, can I write a sexy label? I often hear that because the book is short, people read it twice. They read it first for plot because it’s very propulsive, you want to know what happens – and then they go back to the beginning and find all the Easter eggs.
It also feels as if you’re playing with art history as well with character and form?
Different people will read it in different ways. Like any author, I’m happy about that. People will pick up on cubist references, which very much speak to this form of storytelling, this idea of a part standing for a whole, about something being seen from multiple perspectives.
Kitty is a fictional character but she represents an East Coast type who, if she doesn’t exist still, definitely has existed. You mention institutions like the Chapin School, Miss Porter’s – and the husband goes to Choate and Yale. Can you talk about her niche in society?
Those touchstones are real. I knew a lot of those women and they’re fantastic. They’re incredibly clever and smart, but the lives they were allowed to lead were very constrained and the options for them were very limited. To some degree, I wanted to write about porcelain, too, so I needed a porcelain life. I loved the idea of porcelain being hard but fragile, something made from fire and easily grouped with other things. With porcelain, it’s very hard to hide any damage. I love the museum term – when something is flawed, we talk about it having ‘condition issues’. Is there anything more human than talking about a person’s condition issues? We all have condition issues”.
I am looking ahead and forward to more great evenings in the company of The Trouble Club. New people I did not see last year are coming. Some regular faces. It is always a great mix. Even though there are not always a lot of men at events - which can be a good thing in some ways -, there are more joining. An inclusive club, I always feel awed being in the presence of the speakers, the audience, Ellie and Francesca, and the incredible photographers at each event. You always go away with memories and having learned something. I was not at Friday Night News Roundup with Carole Walker yesterday (19th January), as I was away at home. The News Roundup nights and any Book Club ones; I hope to get to some of them this year. Coffee mornings and drinks, there is this range of get-togethers that are either casual and a chance to chat with new people, or they might be something that encourages more lively political or literary debate. As there are ten more events to mention before closing this off, I will skim through and be brief (or relatively so!). On Thursday, via Zoom, is The Life Brief with Bonnie Wan. Go and check out her book. “The Life Brief is the essential playbook to unlock what you want in life. This three-step tool, created by globally-renowned Brand Strategist, Bonnie Wan, realigns your path with your dreams—personally, professionally, culturally, and spiritually. Break through the clutter and create a life that is wholly your own”. I might be busy for that event but, as members can watch back to events – they are recorded on the night for those watching via Zoom -, I will check it out, as Bonnie Wan’s book seems like one I need!
IN THIS PHOTO: Bonnie Wan
There are some really interesting and varied events on the schedule for the next few months. I will write another feature around April-time, yet I wanted to cast ahead for those who might not be members/are who are thinking about whether to become more involved. On 30th January, The Great Plant-Based Con with Jayne Buxton takes place at The Ned. I love The Ned! Tackling quite a, perhaps, controversial subject, is excluding meat and dairy from our diets good and saving the planet – or is it harmful and a determent? “Almost every day we are bombarded with the seemingly incontrovertible message that we must reduce our consumption of meat and dairy - or eliminate them from our diets altogether. But what if the pervasive message that the plant-based diet will improve our health and save the planet is misleading - or even false? What if removing animal foods from our diet is a serious threat to human health, and a red herring in the fight against climate change”. Jayne Buxton’s book is one that is well worth reading, whether you are a meat-eater or not. I am pescatarian and thinking of becoming vegetarian. Even though I am never going to eat animals again, it is useful to hear the debate and thoughts around, perhaps, not eliminating dairy and animal product. Definitely something that will get interest and questions from the audience who will be there at The Ned. Prior to coming to another in-person event, and beneficial for those who cannot go to venues in London and see events, there is another Zoom event.
Trouble In Investing with TILLIT Founder & CEO, Felicia Hjertman. You can read more about TILLIT in this interview. It is going to be a really enlightening and fascinating talk that I have booked my ticket for. Here is some more information:
“Everyone thought I was mad for leaving. Nobody ever leaves Baillie Gifford, or chooses to leave a job like that. But I was 32 and I would have rather tried and failed, than to never know whether it would have worked.”
In May 2019, Felicia Hjertman (pictured) left Edinburgh-based asset management firm Baillie Gifford, where she had co-managed the Japanese Smaller Companies OEIC and Shin Nippon Investment Trust, alongside Praveen Kumar. The portfolios, which had a combined AUM of £1.9bn, had significantly outperformed their average peers over her tenure.
“I love small caps and I love Japan; it is such a quirky and special place. I also loved working both on a fund and an investment trust. With the latter, it was an interesting experience working with the board and becoming closer to the retail market,” the Tillit founder and CEO tells Portfolio Adviser.
“But while that was a really interesting and exciting intellectual challenge, I have always had this little fire inside me, this need to build something tangible myself – to create something out of nothing and try to help people in one way or another”.
A big one is coming along on 9th February! Surviving Playboy with Crystal Hefner and Pandora Sykes is happening at Century Club in Soho. I will talk about Pandora Sykes first. Her Substack can be accessed here. Her official website is here. She is a wonderful broadcaster and writer. I would advise anyone to check out her books too. This is an invaluable interview about What Writers Read; a collection of essays from world-famous authors on their favourite books, published in aid of the National Literacy Trust. She is someone I will write about again, as her work is really inspiring! She is going to be speaking with Crystal Hefner. She will be talking about her experiences in the Playboy Mansion, and her marriage to the late Hugh Hefner. Her book, Only Say Good Things: Surviving Playboy and Finding Myself, is out on Thursday. I know the word count already is pretty high for this feature – and I have a bit more to go -, but I wanted to bring in parts of a recent profile from The New York Times:
“Ms. Hefner, 37, said she is still adjusting to life outside the mansion, where she lived for almost a decade and where she “was rewarded for being small.” She’s been trying to shed the conditioning that she endured within its lavish walls. “Coming into power is a work in progress,” she said.
“Only Say Good Things,” which comes out on Jan. 23, is a step toward achieving that power. In the book, Ms. Hefner re-examines her initiation into the Playboy world; details the objectification and misogyny she said she experienced under Mr. Hefner; and mines the trauma that she’s still processing.
“At the time,” she said, “I must’ve been brainwashed or something.”
Ms. Hefner met Mr. Hefner at a 2008 Halloween party at the mansion. The estate offered a glimpse at how the 1 percent lived, she writes in the book, and she wanted to be part of it. Then 21, she was one of many attendees in revealing French maid costumes whom he invited to his bedroom to have group sex as the party wound down.
PHOTO CREDIT: Amy Harrity for The New York Times
She soon learned visits to the mansion often involved a “trip to the bedroom at the end of the night,” she writes in her memoir. Back then, she believed it was worth it.
Mr. Hefner, dressed in a black tuxedo, sitting next to Ms. Hefner, who is wearing an off-white wedding dress and holding a bouquet of flowers. Next to Hefner is a Cavalier King Charles spaniel.
Ms. Hefner moved into the mansion two weeks after the Halloween party, and she started dating Mr. Hefner about two years after they met. (At the time, Mr. Hefner was still married to his second wife, Kimberley Conrad, but the two lived separately.)
As his girlfriend and later as his wife, Ms. Hefner had to routinely maintain her appearance for Mr. Hefner: If she gained any weight, he would tell her to “tone up,” she writes in the book, and if her natural brown hair was showing, he would tell her to make it blonder.
She writes about how she and other girlfriends who lived in the mansion were given a weekly payment of about $1,000 and about how they had a strict curfew that was disguised as a schedule. Breaking it risked Mr. Hefner throwing a fit.
Ms. Hefner said she made several attempts to escape the mansion when she was one of Mr. Hefner’s girlfriends. One time, she succeeded: She told security guards on the property that she needed to buy tampons and went to stay with a friend who lived nearby. But she moved back into the mansion a year later, she said, because she had Stockholm syndrome.
“I just felt like, ‘Oh, this is my destiny. This is where I’m supposed to be,’” she said. “I was 25.”
Ms. Hefner said that she often catered to his desires at the expense of her own because she feared being replaced by someone younger, bubblier, blonder and with “bigger boobs.”
She said those worries were slightly assuaged by their wedding in 2012, when she was 26 and he was 86. (Mr. Hefner’s second marriage, to Ms. Conrad, ended in 2010 after an 11-year separation; his first marriage, to Mildred Williams, whom he met during his college years, ended in a divorce in 1959.)
His union with Ms. Hefner was the kind made for tabloid fodder. Some wrote her off as a “gold digger” and a “dumb blonde,” reducing her to nothing more than another notch in the belt of a man known for dating and marrying younger women.
She didn’t feel comfortable having sex with Mr. Hefner alone, she writes in the book, so she often invited a friend to join them. By 2014, the sex had stopped because of Mr. Hefner’s age and declining health. At home, Ms. Hefner started to become more of a caretaker than a companion: She described herself as “the supportive, loving wife in public” and “the nurse carrying his bedpan at night.”
When he died of cardiac arrest at 91, she at first protected his reputation. She writes about how, before he died, Mr. Hefner made her promise to “only say good things.”
Ms. Hefner’s resolve to keep that promise began fading in 2019, she said, when she started therapy after watching “Leaving Neverland,” the documentary that details sexual-abuse allegations from two men who had long-running relationships with Michael Jackson.
Looking back at their marriage now, Ms. Hefner said, evokes feelings of regret and disgust. She is still learning how to build healthy relationships and break the codependent tendencies she developed during her relationship with Mr. Hefner.
“When I started dating again, that was hard,” she said, “because with Hef, he just wanted me by him all the time.”
It was only recently, she said with a nervous laugh, that she learned the concept of setting boundaries. “I didn’t have any when I was at the mansion,” she said. “If you wanted to be there, you couldn’t have boundaries.”
Ms. Hefner said Mr. Hefner could be emotionally abusive and some of his other former lovers have made similar accusations. In 2015 Holly Madison, a former girlfriend of Mr. Hefner’s, released a memoir in which she recounted the strict rules she needed to follow at the Playboy Mansion and the ensuing mental health issues she experienced. Many Playmates were upset about the book when it came out, Ms. Hefner said, herself included.
But now? “I see it in a completely different way,” she said”.
PHOTO CREDIT: Mathilda Della Torre
There is one other event I want to expand on. I swill be brief as I can with the remainder. On 13th February, Conversations From Calais with Mathilda Della Torre and Hiba Noor takes place at Mortimer House. This is going to be a very stirring and powerful event I am sure! “Conversations From Calais aims to re-humanise those affected by the refugee crisis by using public space to share conversations volunteers have had with migrants met in Calais. It is a way of bearing witness for the thousands of displaced people stuck in Calais and trying to reach the UK, whose voices are so often silenced or ignored”. Conversations from Calais: Sharing Refugee Stories by Mathilda Della Torre is a book I would recommend people check out. Her official website is here. This recent interview with Hiba Noor (Khan) about her debut novel is really interesting. Four more events I will touch on and cover off. First, and another biggie, is A Year In Sex with Emma-Louise Boynton. Emma-Louise Boynton is a writer, broadcaster and founder and host of the award-winning, sell-out live event series and media platform, Sex Talks (taken from 5x15). Coming from AllBright, Boynton is speaking as part of the live event series (and podcast), Sex Talks. I am aware I may be the only man in that audience. Why, you may ask?! Well, for me, as a music journalist who does cover subjects such as sex and femininity through music – media,, videos and songs -, it is going to be useful for several reasons. Check out this interview from Ann Summers; this podcast episode, Release The Tapes: Sex Therapy With Emma-Louise Boynton…and also her features and opinion pieces for The Standard. Again, someone I will write about for a separate feature.
A quick nod to 16th February and Friday Night News Roundup with Anoosh Chakelian from The Prince Regent Marylebone. That looks like it is going to be a very engaging and must-attend event! A few more to cover off. The View From Down Here with Lucy Webster comes from AllBright. Her book, The View from Down Here is one that everyone needs to seek out:
“Women's lives are shaped by sexism and expectations. Disabled people's lives are shaped by ableism and a complete lack of expectations. But what happens when you're subjected to both sets of rules?
This powerful, honest, hilarious and furious memoir from journalist and advocate Lucy Webster looks at life at the intersection; the struggles, the joys and the unseen realities of being a disabled woman. From navigating the worlds of education and work, dating and friendship; to managing care; contemplating motherhood; and learning to accept your body against a pervasive narrative that it is somehow broken and in need of fixing, The View From Down Here shines a light on what it really means to move through the world as a disabled woman”.
IN THIS PHOTO: Lucy Webster
If you’re still not convinced about becoming a member or, if you are one already, attending more events, then I hope that the remaining couple swing the vote. As I say, a ‘Manchester branch’ is planned. That will mean that audiences there can check out some of the amazing events that are coming in the future. Two great social/entertainment nights out are on the calendar. On 22nd February is Trouble Comedy Night! That will be at The Museum of Comedy, here is what you can expect:
“Back by popular demand, it’s another Trouble comedy night! Welcome to a hilarious evening at The Museum of Comedy as comedians from all over the UK come together for an unforgettable night of laughter and, of course, trouble.
All of the acts were finalists in last year's 20th Anniversary Funny Women Awards. Funny Women is the leading non-profit organization empowering women to perform, write and create comedy.
The evening’s lineup:
Blank Peng is a bilingual comedian who was made in China but with reliable high quality. Pro in Mandarin, she started to perform in English from scratch as Communism humour Spokesperson and quickly squeezed into the British comedy circuit like Top Secret, The Comedy Store, Up the Creek, The Glee…
“Performed with a faux innocence, take on the undemocratic, authoritarian, misogynist surveillance state back home.” Chortle
Hannah Platt was a finalist of the BBC New Comedian of the Year Award and recently came 2nd in the Funny Women stage awards. She’s been described as ‘A voice of a new generation’ by The Skinny and a ‘voice with something to say’ by Chortle, never shying away from sensitive topics with brutal honesty and quick, acerbic wit.
She’s written and starred in her own short for BBC Three, written and appeared on BBC Radio 4 and has supported Lou Sanders, Fern Brady and Kiri Pritchard-McClean on tour.
Discovered by Mark Watson on Twitter in 2019, Welsh comic exiled to London, Vix Leyton is a natural storyteller with a keen eye for observation, combining warm, whimsical charm, as well as a PR hustler. You’ve maybe heard of her, you just might not know how. A Funny Women awards stage semi finalist, finalist for the Industry award and named as ‘one to watch’ in 2023.
Her panel show podcast ‘The Comedy Arcade’ is both an audio success and compelling live show, picking up a nomination for Leicester Comedy’s best podcast in 2021 and racking up sell out shows at Edinburgh Fringe two years in a row. Regular MC for pro nights including Red Imp Comedy, Poodle Club and Outside the Box, she is also the promoter of the infamous church gig ‘Have I got pews for you’ and regular legal prosecutor for ‘This is your trial’.
From the bonnie banks of Loch Lomond, Nikola is a Scottish actor/writer who specialises in comedy. She regularly gigs on the London comedy circuit, performing musical comedy and alternative character comedy. Nikola’s comedy films have been screened at several film festivals including London Super Short film festival, Women X film festival, ShortCom film festival, Greenwich film festival and Lit Laughs film festival”.
IN THIS PHOTO: Nikola McMurtrie
Looking ahead to 15th March – and the furthest-away event announced so far – is Trouble's 70s & 80s Disco Party from The Star of Kings, Kings Cross. It is going to be a seriously fun evening:
“Do you love to dance but find nightclubs sticky and crowded. Us too! We're teaming up with Haven’t Stopped Dancing Yet a night out that's been featured everywhere from Stylist and The Guardian to Time Out & the i. It's been described as Mamma Mia meets Saturday Night Fever in a glorious mash up and they are throwing a party just for The Trouble Club.
DJ Dolly Mix (Shoreditch House, Pop Brixton) will be spinning 70 & 80s soul, funk and disco classics, plus there are choreographer-led dance routines to get everyone into the groove. There will also a best outfit competition, so wear something snazzy!”.
I am not sure who else is going to speaking going forward – I have always felt Caitlin Moran would be perfectly suited -, though you know there will be some incredible guests invited to The Trouble Club. I am looking ahead to some great events. Really moved by the ones I have already been to. Having recently lost a job (due to redundancy), The Trouble Club not only provides networking and powerful women sharing stories and incredible thoughts: there is that social aspect and being around like-minded people. It is such a vital source of community and strength. Something that will be strengthened (and even more needed) in the coming weeks. Rather than this being a sales pitch for potential members – though there is some of that in here! -, is another chance to say thanks to Eleanor Newton, Francesca Edmondson…and everyone who has made my time at The Trouble Club so memorable. For various reasons (politics and the economy), things have been pretty rough the past few years. As we are not settled into 2024, we all hope and know that we have…
A much better year ahead.