FEATURE:
Spotlighting a Hugely Important Subject
IN THIS PHOTO: Charli xcx
Why Artists Discussing Motherhood Through Their Music Is Eye-Opening
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I have discussed the subject myself…
IN THIS PHOTO: Laura Marling with her daughter/PHOTO CREDIT: Tamsin Topolski
in various features through the years. I think the most recent occasion related to Laura Marling’s new album, Patterns in Repeat (out on 25th October). The subject is motherhood. She is mother to a young daughter and you can hear her pride running through her latest album. I think her priorities have changed now away from music and touring and more to family. Someone who also is not going to be stopped from making music because she has a young child. Even so, it does raise questions about women in music having children and making sacrifices. Often having to choose their family life or music. Hard to have both and balance. The industry not as supportive towards women who have children. Many having to perform less because they have children. One of the downsides is many women not going into the industry because they want children and feel like they cannot sustain their career. There is a legion of women in music now who are asking some big questions. Whether they want children or are ready for them. Although things are improving solely, the music industry still has a long way to go when it comes to ensuring women can have children and a successful career. That they do not have to choose one or the other. Because of this, whenever we hear songs with lyrics revolving around motherhood and that choice, it does come with that extra sting of importance. I am going to come to a recent article that highlighted how Charli xcx has been raising these questions and is bringing motherhood/children into her music. She is not the only one. It is a hugely important subject that I know many women will resonate with.
There is so much to consider. Women pressured or expected to have children and seen as bad role models if they do not. Many wanting to focus on their careers and be in the industry for decades means that it is harder to set aside time to have children and make that sacrifice. Many wondering whether the amount of time it would take them out of music is worth it. Others feeling that it is a very difficult question without an easy answer. When they are in their late thirties or into their forties, that window starts to close and they are put in this impossible position. Other women liberated and extolling the virtues of a child-free existence. How they can have a fulfilling and happy life without children. Whether you have heard BRAT or not, one cannot deny it is a brilliant work. Charli xcx’s best album perhaps. Many consider the album to be about frivolity, fun and this rebellious, free and exciting letting loose. Being independent and partying. However, if you listen closely, there are moments that stop you in your tracks. Songs that ask big questions and put some huge life choices in the spotlight. This arresting and fantastic article discusses Charli xcx and her pondering birth control, motherhood and children. They also expand and discuss the women in music who have brought motherhood into their music. Those women who have not have children and maybe are judged by some. So many complex layers and arguments to take into consideration:
“While you might assume there’s a gulf between “brat” and “childless cat lady”, nestled near the end of Charli xcx’s album there is actually a song that closes the gap. “I think about it all the time” explores the question of whether or not to have children – less Brat energy, more 31-year-old woman getting existential about her fertility window.
Charli sings about holding a friend’s baby and wondering: “Should I stop my birth control?/ Cause my career feels so small/ In the existential scheme of it all”. Her acknowledgement of how huge and ever-present this decision is for women in their thirties feels very real.
As does the questioning tone of the track, turning over the pros and cons of having a baby: “Would it give my life a new purpose?” “Would it make me miss all my freedom?” Charli nails the uncertainty that chases around the minds of thirty-something women who are constantly told their fertility is about to fall off a cliff.
There is, of course, a resplendent history of female stars not having children – think Dolly Parton, Kylie Minogue, Debbie Harry, PJ Harvey, Stevie Nicks, Kim Deal (who once sang “motherhood means mental freeze”). Many have spoken about how being a musician isn’t terribly compatible with starting a family. As Nicks once put it: “It’s like, do you want to be an artist and a writer, or a wife and a lover? With kids, your focus changes. I don’t want to go to PTA meetings.”
But what’s notable now is how female musicians in their thirties are talking within their music about what the decision would mean for their lives. It reflects, perhaps, the fact that pop stars often have longer careers these days – ageing along with their fan base, and musing about that process in their songwriting through their thirties and forties, rather than being ditched by labels for the next hot young thing.
Consider Florence and the Machine’s “King”, a brilliantly honest look at the difficult decisions women face. “We argue in the kitchen about whether to have children/ And about the world ending, and the scale of my ambition/ And what art is really worth”. While it was dubbed a “feminist anthem” for its gender-role-defying refrain “I am no bride, I am no mother, I am king”, Welch admits the song came from a place of “rumbling panic” about the career vs children question. The 38-year-old told Vogue that “the whole crux of the song is that you’re torn between the two.”
And it’s striking how many artists are using their lyrics to ask unanswerable questions – there’s a cascade of them on the now 38-year-old Swedish popstar Tove Lo’s sprightly “Suburbia”. She starts off wryly sceptical: “So if we had a baby/ You’d love them more than me?/ What if I’m way too lazy/ For the mom Olympic team?”
Other people’s opinions on your reproductive choices also inspired Jenny Hval, 44, to address the theme of childlessness across her 2019 album The Practice of Love. “Everyone my age is asked, inappropriately, ‘Don’t you have [children]?’ or ‘Shouldn’t you have?’” she told Pitchfork. “This was not my dream, so why do I feel like I’m pressured into thinking about it? There is a lot of stigma with being without child.” Her song “Accident” relates a story of two child-free friends discussing the subject, while “The Practice of Love” samples her conversation with fellow musician Laura Jean about the alternative roles available to women who don’t have kids.
And it seems thirty-something female artists get dragged into culture wars around motherhood, whether they’re singing about it or not. The endless speculation and judgement Taylor Swift faces about not yet having kids is often intensely misogynistic – witness that odious piece in Newsweek arguing she’s “a bad role model” because she hasn’t married or spawned.
It’s notable that Swift’s lyrics – primary subject: herself – have never addressed the children question head-on, even if there are nods to life not working out as expected, especially on recent record The Tortured Poets Department. Swift casually nails the divide in friendship groups in your thirties with the line “my friends all smell like weed or little babies” on “Florida!!!”, and hints at lost dreams on “Loml” – “You shit-talked me under the table/ Talking rings and talking cradles/ I wish I could un-recall/ How we almost had it all”.
Nonetheless, calling herself “Childless Cat Lady” is about as close to blowing an explicit raspberry to those that say she should have kids that Swift has come. Not that she owes anyone a definitive statement of her feelings either way on this topic: it would be as unfair to expect Swift to celebrate being child-free as it is to say she “ought” to start a family.
That said, it is fair to observe that there seems to be a growing appetite for alternative narratives about child-free women these days. Consider how much Self Esteem’s ardent fanbase connects with the 37-year-old’s gloriously unabashed statements about not having kids”.
Some may say I am not particularly qualified to discuss motherhood and have opinions on artists who debate the issue. That is fair enough. However, it is eye-opening and something that interests me. I have discussed maternity and motherhood in music. How women in the industry have to make a really hard choice. Can they sustain a career if they have children? Will fans judge them if they have not had a child if they are in their thirties or forties. Artists such as Charli xcx asking these important questions through her music and wrestling with these life-changing considerations. There should be more discussion about it. Holly Williams’ article in the i is really timely and engrossing. How artists are discussing the fertility window and sharing their dilemma with their audience and fans. These thirty-something women who are debating this commitment. The article commends women for not keeping mum about the subject of children. Perhaps once taboo in music or too thorny an issue, the more women raise this issue through their music, the more open the debate becomes. There are no easy or right answers. It is a very personal choice. However, it is clear that motherhood and committing to that decision is a lot harder and more complex than many imagine. It should open eyes through the industry as to how they can better support women who want children. Also, there should not be stigma on women who decide not to. Whether their reasons are simply because they do not want them or there is another reason, fans should not be judging them. The media should not call them out or see them as bad role models The subject of fertility, motherhood and making that ultimate choice is something we will hear in music…
MORE and more very soon.